I used to just be another average bear living in the forests of Germany stuck in a dying marriage. Even my kids would barely talk to me! Then, one night while I was out foraging and doing other bear things, I came upon an outdoor techno rave, and my life was changed forever. The intoxicating beats opened my bear eyes and laid bare before them that there was more to life than eating salmon and hibernating (although salmon is still pretty great!)
Since that night, I’ve been a changed bear. Thanks to learning the values, virtues, and traditions of Techno, my overall health has improved. My fur is much shinier, and my relationship with my wife and kids has never been better! I now spend most of my evenings on the various dance floors of Germany’s famous techno clubs and underground shows helping to spread the message of peace, love, unity, respect, techno, and bears!
If you’re not yet sold on the techno lifestyle like I am, maybe some of these awesome T-shirts will change your mind. You can customize any style or color you want, and every shirt is made to order just for you!
Keep reading to find out more of the life-changing benefits of techno!
IT’S NO SECRET: nine out of ten experts will tell you that there are a number of benefits — both mental and physical — to living the techno lifestyle.
ARE YOU READY TO JOIN THE TECHNO COMMUNE?
Here at the commune, we offer beginner and advanced courses such as dancing with flaming or glowing objects, making candy bracelets, and we’re proud to now be offering classes on quantum k-hole theory. Our staff of tenured DJs are available 24/7 to drop the freshest beats. We also offer bottled water and shoulder massages upon request!
If you’d like to see how deep the rabbit hole goes, please check out the new album from Cartoon Violence USA, called “Reckless and Lawless”, where you can find this awesome song about me (called “Techno Bear”, obv.)
